I’ve been away. I know it. I didn’t intend to stay away this long, and yet…I did.
I could launch a thousand excuses as to why. Work got busy (we built a bell tower). Life got busy (we had a baby). I worried I had nothing new to add to the conversation (does anyone, really?).
But, at the end of it all is this: I simply didn’t make this a priority.
I kept paying my monthly webhosting fees, and when the domain came up for renewal a few months ago, I let it. But I didn’t do anything with this site…just let it sit dormant for almost a year.
And then, just the other day, I thought:
Dang it. Just make time.
A little over a year ago, I attended CREDO, an opportunity for pastors in the PCUSA (there’s a version for the Episcopal’s too…in fact, they invented it). As a part of the process, we’re supposed to create a “plan” for becoming healthier professionally and personally, in all sorts of ways. One of the elements of my plan was to create.
Create visual things. Create worshippy things. Create educational things. Write.
So, over the last year, I’ve been working on it. I’ve taught myself Adobe Illustrator, and now I’m working on Photoshop. I’m working on teaching myself a font creator software to expand my creative outlets.
I’ve made stoles and given myself permission to be more creative in worship (and not worry so much about it being “cheesy”).
I’ve given a great deal of thought to a number of programs that I’d like to give life to, although that got pushed off because of pregnancy and maternity leave, if I’m going to be honest.
But, I haven’t given myself the permission to write. I get up in my head about it, and I start circling around all those thoughts that I’ve had before.
As the one year anniversary of my CREDO plan approaches, I realize that I haven’t followed through on the biggest part of what I determined during that incredibly formative week would give me life.
And so, today, I start again. I give myself permission to write and, as Anne Lamott says, write a shitty first draft. Who knows, you may well read numerous shitty first drafts as I work towards my ultimate goal of writing something truly worthy of putting out there in the world.